Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here."
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A is standing drinking at the bar when the man next to him whispers, 'do you want to buy any pirate DVD's?'
'No thanks, I hate Treasure Island.'
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The man who goes into a bar very optimistically usually leaves it very misty optically.
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A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Gogh standing at the bar. The man says 'I love your paintings, can I buy you a drink?'
Vincent replies, 'No thanks I've got one ear.'
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I'm watching my drinking, so now I only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls.
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What do you call a woman who goes into a bar and starts to juggle with the drinks?
Beatrix (beer tricks).
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I was out drinking in a bar last night and a woodworm asked me: "Is the bar tender here?
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A pie walks into a bar and asks the bar owner if he can have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps. The bar owner replies and says, sorry we don't serve food.
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A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer. As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voise saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'. The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.
The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'